TIME: 0230 hrs Zulu.
LOCATION: Somewhere deep inside the Michigan border
SUBJECT: “Who you fear most?”
PROJECT CODE NAME: “HaveBlue”
*** This report pieced together from various multiple encrypted messages sent via satellite ***
There is a great line from the Steven Seagal movie, ‘Marked for Death’ where the bad guy, ‘ScrewFace’ is trying to intimidate one of his own people by going nose-to-nose with him and saying, “Who you fear most? Him? Or Me?” With only a slight twist on ScrewFace’s question, “HaveBlue” operatives suggest asking TBGUN, “Who you fear most? Ohio State, or Iowa?”
Now before you start with, “You gotta be kidding me - Iowa?”, listen to the latest confidential report from our “HaveBlue” operatives!
MESSAGE START: Lloyd Carr can be as paranoid as he is intimidating to ref’s. The thing is, only those on the inside see his paranoia. Yet, many fans sense it. What is “it” that we are talking about? Many, many TBGUN fans feel Iowa (and Kirk Ferentz) have Lloyd Carr’s and Michigan’s number. BIG TIME!
Talk within the coaches’ circles regarding this season’s games that are particularly important or problematic have centered on, unbelievably, Iowa. Saturday, September 25th 2004, is TBGUN’s Big Ten opener in Ann Arbor against, yep, Iowa. TBGUN fans are ordering their kegs early with post-trauma counselors lined up in 18-wheelers off campus. Okay, I’m exaggerating. The counselors are actually in buildings on campus.
Joking aside, Iowa has beaten TBGUN the last two times. In 2003, TBGUN beat Iowa every which way except on the scoreboard. In that game, Iowa came back from a 14-point deficit to win a Homecoming thriller 30-27 via special teams. In 2002, the game was MUCH CLOSER: Iowa had their way with TBGUN in Ann Arbor, sleep-walking away with a 34-9 victory, thus stamping Michigan its worst home loss since 1967! The Hawkeyes were talking big before that game and were extremely confident, something EVERYONE in Ann Arbor dismissed totally as hot air and not worthy of their lofty position in life. In 2001, Iowa came so close to beating TBGUN the local Iowa newspaper, The Iowa City Press-Citizen, titled their headline after the game: “Michigan Steals One – Hawks surrender lead against Big Ten’s Best.” In this game, TBGUN actually had to come from 13 points down late in the game to win it.
Do ya kinda get the picture here? Because if you don’t, TBGUN coaches and fans sure do. They are privately sweating bullets over facing Kirk Ferentz’s team in September.
To put this in perspective, think; Iowa is to TBGUN as Wisconsin is to Ohio State. Across TBGUN’s campus, much of the preseason talk is actually centered on what will happen against Iowa -not Notre Dame, not Purdue (at West Lafayette), not Michigan State, and not even THE GAME in Columbus. While it will never show visibly, someone with the initials Lloyd Carr (oops!) is getting a little twitchy about this game.
The fact that TBGUN is starting a new backfield on offense is adding to the nerves felt in The Big House. Many fans think TBGUN was out-coached as well as out-played in the last four Iowa games. Other fans are licking their chops for sweet revenge. In their minds, the upstart Hawkeyes are just not supposed to be doing this to them. The proper order of the universe is that it is just not supposed to be this way for TBGUN. Sound or feel familiar?
So what does all of this mean for Ohio State? The way I see it, the more distraction from thinking about us the better! And believe it – TBGUN is REALLY thinking about Hawkeyes in the air.” MESSAGE END
ScrewFace: “Hey TBGUN: Who you fear most? Hawks, or Bucks?”
NEXT TRANSMISSION DATE: unknown